Heathcliff will take you to an dark, indie, art-house movie, maybe something French, and at the end of the night, you will stammer something about how “the juxtaposition of light and dark creates interesting implications about the, uh, innate goodness of all man–that is to say–personkind?” He’ll glare and call the entire film “overwrought nonsense,” and make you feel stupid for even trying not to look stupid. But then he will call you five times the next day, so maybe he does like you? But then he will start going out with your best friend, so maybe he doesn’t? He’s really hard to pin down.

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